New Rental Cars

New Rental Cars

I recently rented several different cars in several US cities and I came to the sound conclusion – I detest them – I detest them all. Speaking of a sound conclusion; how do you get one of these cars to shut up, really just shut up.

Seat belt – beep beep beep beep – ya I know, but do you have to yell so loud. When pulling in and out of tight spaces, aka parking lots in CA that are stripped for what appears to be just enough space for a Vespa, I need to bend and turn, I can’t do that belted in, and it does not help with the dang car yelling at me.

Oh I just love the collision detector when it starts yelling at me and trying to stop the car and change the direction. On the road and freeway maybe it has some use but just try driving on a lot with tall grass and listen to the dang thing yell at you and try and control the car. The car kept trying to turn and applying the brake. Interactive braking – no no no – the car Hal has taken control inferior flesh creature at the wheel – all you have is the pink slip.

Blind spot detection – oh just shut the heck up. Its fun in bumper-to-bumper traffic hearing that whine at you. It’s just Jim Stinking Dandy moving along at 15 miles per hour with the car waving its arms screaming Warning Warning Wil Robinson…Warning Warning ….

Oh – Lane departure warnings, the inventor of this deserves a special place in hades. Try driving where they have restriped the freeway or you are going through a construction zone with the little music tone going off and the steering wheel vibrating to remind you that the car thinks you are a mad lane swerving pirate. I prefer listening to “It’s a small world after all” and being clubbed by the writhing puking brat from behind. At least you know that experience has an exit!

The new touch screens controls are horrid, add to that more dash buttons, steering wheel levers and signal arms compromising more controls than a space craft and we no longer need texting to distract us from driving – the car does this automatically too.

Push button staring key fob cars are miserable, you have to always have the key fob thing, the car locks when you get out you cannot open another door unless you open the driver’s door, and just try to get to the trunk and open the trunk with out 4 presteps and 2 post steps – beep beep, why is the #@$% trunk still locked and where is my brother-in-law? Where is a simple key to open the dang trunk? Arrgh, my brother-in-law is locked in the trunk. He reached in too far to get the bag of kitty litter and the automatic trunk closer closed him in the trunk. Can you breath in there? Blur nob stickel frubby bunk puffy… well at least for now there is enough air left in the trunk for him to still make sounds. Beep beep, it the truck open now, thud thud thud from inside the truck, guess not. Grrrrrr bump, how about know? Thud thud thud Blur nob stickel… hmmm. Stay right there I am going to go call the auto club. Bang Bang Bang Bang – furb uandtheauotclub gitmeeeeeoutahair.

Try, no really just try and open the driver’s window a half an inch. It’s all the way down or all the way up. I am so glad my pants are manually operated.

Lastly the chatty navigator, the Navawitch. Take me to the hotel. Bing turn in 30 feet, boop, recalculating routes – turn left – I would have turned if you would tell me before the intersection comes up you miserable cross eye electronic galoot. Make a legal U-Turn when you can – really, its that what I get to hear for the rest of the dang trip make a legal U-turn when I can. Stay right at the fork in the road and make a slight left…. What you should have said is the exit is on the left said of the freeway. Boop, recalculating routesmake a legal u-turn when you are able. I am on a freeway Navawitch. Boop, Take freeway 121 north. There is no 121 north, why do I know that because they renamed the freeway last year. Ha got ya! Boop Make a legal u-turn when you are able – Recalculating route…

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